Sunday, March 8, 2009

The 20 Greatest Love Triangles Ever

Here I present the top-twenty most infamous love triangles in television, film, and life. From the seductive powers of Kelly Taylor and Camilla Parker-Bowles (yeah, just let it be) to the faithful partners scorned, like Mia Farrow and Dita von Teese, let's take a walk down the boulevard of broken hearts....
  1. Julius Caesar - Cleopatra - Mark Anthony:
  2. This real-life love triangle didn't turn out too well for any of them -- Caesar is stabbed to death, Mark commits suicide (after thinking Cleopatra already did) and then Cleopatra kills herself in response.
  3. George Harrison - Pattie Boyd - Eric Clapton:
  4. Probably depressing as anything to have gone through, but hey at least we got some really, really great music out of this love triangle. It all worked out in the end though -- Eric and George kind of strangely/adorably called themselves "husbands-in-law."
  5. Brenda Walsh - Dylan McKay - Kelly Taylor:
  6. "Like ohmigodd, can you believe Dylan left Brendzz for Kelly??" That was the question on every teenaged Gen-Xers mind during the early nineties, and the repercussions of this affair can still be seen today (granted only on "90210"). When girlfriend Brenda leaves Bev Hills one summer to live in Paris with BFF Donna, Dylan is left to his own devices and begins to hang out a lot with Brenda's other BFF, the ever-lovely Kelly. Besides a few necking sessions and late-night conversations of considerable importance (for a high school kid), they spend their summer pretty innocently -- besides a few surf sessions, BBQs, and viewings of Casablanca (where at one point Dylan says "We'll always have Paris." Yeah about as corny as it sounds). But when the summer ends, they confess they are in love with each other and chaos ensues.
  7. Debbie Reynolds - Eddie Fisher - Elizabeth Taylor:
    Eddie left America's Sweetheart Debbie Reynolds for smoldering temptress Elizabeth Taylor, even though he just had a baby, future-Princess Leia Carrie Fisher, with his wifey. Classy. He later costarred with Taylor in "Butterfield 8," but after that their affair soon sputtered out.
  8. Eddie Fisher - Elizabeth Taylor - Richard Burton:
  9. Hows that for karma, eh Eddie? Ironically the love affair between Taylor and Burton started on the set of "Cleopatra," which was a little less than a year after Eddie divorced his wife Debbie for Miss Taylor.
  10. Jen Aniston - Brad Pitt - Angelina Jolie:
    This particular love triangle is still pretty recent and most gossip rags still report on this threesomes comings and goings. The former "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" costars now share a slew of children together, while Aniston seems to have found happiness with John Mayer.
  11. Dennis Quaid - Meg Ryan - Russell Crowe:
  12. When I first heard about this love triangle, I asked "Wait, Russell Crowe and Meg Ryan knew each other?" Then I asked myself "wait, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid knew each other?" So, yeah, that's pretty much my feeling on that matter.
  13. Hilary Duff - Aaron Carter - Lindsay Lohan:
  14. This was just... weak. Seriously, they were fighting over this guy.
  15. Mary-Louise Parker - Billy Crudup - Claire Danes:
  16. So when Russell Hammond left Nancy Botwin for Angela Chase, I was saddened and intrigued at the same time. Three actors I genuinely like caught up in all that madness, I was mystified. But then I realized that Parker was seven months pregnant with Crudup's second child at the time of his affair with his "Stage Beauty" costar. Not cool, Crudup, not cool.
  17. Dita von Teese - Marilyn Manson - Evan Rachel Wood:
  18. Perrenial creepster Marilyn Manson really lucked out when he met the gorgeous Dita von Teese in 2001. They were the poster-couple for Vitamin D-deficient couples everywhere. When they got married in 2005, it was the event for rockers, burlesque dancers, designers, and writers everywhere. Despite how great they were together, Dita filed for divorce thirteen months later, citing irreconciable differences, and left their home on Christmas Eve without anything with her. Von Teese has said, "I wasn't supportive of his partying or his relationship with another girl. As much as I loved him, I wasn't going to be part of that." The other girl was one Miss Evan Rachel Wood, then 19-years old. Over the next couple of months, Wood gradually changed her appearance to mimick that of von Teese.
  19. Meredith Grey - Derek Sheppard - Addison Sheppard:
  20. This is an unusual case where the other woman turns out to be the dude's wife. Gasps were heard around the world after the first season finale of "Grey's Anatomy" when it was revealed that underneath his thick-haired-and-trailer-homed adorableness, Dr. McDreamy had been married the entire time he was courting the neurotic intern.
  21. Nancy Sinatra - Frank Sinatra - Ava Gardner:
  22. Mrs. Ole Blue Eyes was no match for the former Mrs. Mickey Rooney. Frank Sinatra left the mother of his children Nancy for the beautiful Ava Gardner, who at the time held more power and popularity in Hollywood than Frank. She secured her paramour his Oscar-winning role in "From Here to Eternity" which revived his career. Unfortunately the passion in their marriage died out quickly and the two divorced a few years later.
  23. Princess Diana - Prince Charles - Camilla Parker-Bowles:
  24. Okay so when the Queen of England orders you to do something, you pretty much have to do it. So you can't blame Di and Charles for their loveless marriage, I doubt it ever was romantically passionate in the first. The prince was in love with Camilla before he married Diana, and carried on the relationship throughout his tumultuous royal marriage. Finally, after having sons William and Harry, the princess had reached her breaking point with her husband and filed for divorce. As Diana famously said in an interview of her marriage, "it was just a bit too crowded for me."
  25. Mia Farrow - Woody Allen - Soon-Yi Previn:
  26. Yucky.... The most incestuous love triangle on the list. Pixie mama Mia Farrow adopted a lot of kids, one of which struck the fancy of her long-time love Woody Allen. He eventually left Mia for Soon-Yi, who later produced his spawn. Excuse me while I barf forever.
  27. Aidan Shaw - Carrie Bradshaw - Mr. Big:
  28. The love triangle that caused a million "Hell no, Carrie"s across the nation. After being royally dumped by Mr. Big (who claims he could not and would not get married), Carrie moved on to furniture designer/most perfect guy in the universe Aidan Shaw. But, as her penchant for metallic bootie shorts and perpetual four-inch long roots had already revealed, Carrie can be an idiot a lot of the times. She goes and has an affair with the now-married Mr. Big (an ouch in itself) and screws over her first truly healthy relationship in the process. But whatever, Aidan was too good for Carrie anyways.
  29. Brian Jones - Anita Pallenberg - Keith Richards:
  30. During a trip to Morrocco in 1967, Brian Jones lost his girlfriend of over two years Anita Pallenberg to bandmate Keith Richards after he (may or may not have) roughed Anita up a little. About a year later, Jones was kicked out the Rolling Stones, a band that he created, and mysteriously drowned a few months after that in 1969. Keith and Anita stayed together for twelve years, sharing three children and many awesome psychedelic clothing together before splitting up at Richards lawyer's advice, following their shared arrest for heroin possession. On a side note, Pallenberg is rumoured to have had a brief dalliance with another Stones member Mick Jagger while filming “Performance” together. So you get a two-for-one deal here ladies and gents.
  31. Romeo Montague - Juliet Capulet - Paris:
  32. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy kills girl's brother. Girl still marries boy. Girl pretends to die to get out of marrying another boy to whom she is betrothed. Girl forgets to tell the boy she loves that she is alive and well. Both boys think she's dead. Both boys die. Then the girl dies for real. The end.
  33. Rick Blaine - Ilsa Lund - Victor Laslo:
  34. Arguably the most famous love triangle in film history, the story of "Casablanca" basically provided the blueprint for 20th century love triangles. US expat Rick meets up with his former lady love Ilsa in his cafe in Africa. She isn't alone though. She arrived with her husband Victor, and they need his help to escape the Nazis. At the film's end everyone is depressed but understand that sometimes you have to choose honor over love.
  35. Jules - Catherine - Jim:
  36. In François Truffaut's 1962 film "Jules et Jim," two best friends fall in love with a beautiful and mesmerising woman named Catherine. In typical New Wave fashion, the characters meet a gruesome and depressing end.
  37. Mrs. Robinson - Benjamin Braddock - Elaine Robinson:
  38. This is the second most incestuous of the love triangles on the list (see #14 to see who claimed the top spot). Recent college grad Benjamin embarks on a love affair with his parents' friend Mrs. Robinson. Everything is fine and creepy until Mrs. Robinson's husband sets Benjamin up on a date with their daughter Elaine, then it gets even more creepy.


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