Tuesday, March 3, 2009

please allow me to introduce myself, i’m a man of wealth and taste

Despite my admitted obsession with his former Ms. Faithfull, I am actually physically more attracted to Mick Jagger (and because i am hetero). Let's not confuse what I am saying with a passing "oh yeah, I think he's cute." No. I love Mick Jagger. No, actually I luuurrrve him. I even love his old wrinkly self still doing those whiplash dance moves of his. In fact, I find that makes him more attractive. But, because I am weird and think about these things, I think my affection for him would have to stay at a distance; I don't think I could ever handle relationship-Mick. 1) because he is thinner than I am (self-esteem issues), 2) because he has fuller lips than I have (again issues), 3) because he is all around prettier and better and cooler and sexier than I am or ever deserve to be around (truth). If I were to be with him I think I would be half crazy in awe and half bummed because he would always be way superior to everything I did. It would be unnerving. And no matter how many false lashes or how great of clothes I wear, he could come out in a Snuggie and a pair of rainbow Crocs and still radiate sexiness so palpable that I look like a toad.

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